I wrote this about a year ago when I was waiting to see if the board for the nonprofit I was working for would make some necessary changes in order for myself and my boss to stay on board. They promised to make changes. And then never did. My second and final exit from the organization has been unnecessarily ugly because of the lack of good leadership. I started a new job recently and needless to say, the organization I have joined has it together when it comes to leadership.

February 2019

I quit my job. I quit a job…

Shelby and I got married in January of 2017 and the “honeymoon phase” lasted approximately…5 minutes. We were so sublimely happy with each other up until the wedding and then for a few short months afterward. Being naive is a real blessing sometimes. Then, real life came and knocked the wind out of both of us. Spoiler alert: we’re still fine, we’re just tired and being tired makes it hard to feel happy.

The short version of this story is that Shelby has been seriously reckoning with his mental health for the last two years and I have been along…

Nothing makes me happier or more hopeful than a fresh start.

I realized earlier today that, for the last 3 years, I have been happy to send the ending year off. That realization did not feel good at all. Being unhappy isn’t who I am, and even though the universe seems to be doing as much as possible to make it so, I don’t want to be that person.

Despite knowing that, 2018 was still an awful year. There are a lot of reasons why — here are a few:

  • Grief: At this point it feels like feeling the loss…

It was grief that turned me away from god and grief that brought me back.

I grew up going to Presbyterian church with my grandmother every Sunday as part of a long tradition of weekends spent almost exclusively with my maternal grandparents. Granny & Boom, as I called them, provided 100% of my access to religious education, including paying the tuition to my Baptist preschool.

When I was 4 years old, I got kicked out of that preschool for teaching kids to play blackjack, but that’s a story for another time.The …

The first time I had feelings for a girl, I was 13. I remember the moment distinctly because it caught me so off guard. I immediately suppressed those feelings because there was no way I was a lesbian.

It was the mid-nineties and I was a teenager. None of my friends were gay, or so I thought. Being gay or lesbian was so taboo then. As far as I knew, the scary stereotypes about queer folks were true. I couldn’t let myself even go down the road of possibility, because I was so scared of being outcast.

I also had…

I attended an event with several strong women storytellers for the 2nd year in a row earlier this week, all of them making their own cases for why sharing ourselves with the world is critical. I’ve been feeling called to be more open about my life, and that was the final push I needed to try.

The last 2 years have been hard. Really hard. It seems strange to say that, knowing full well that that timeline also lines up with when I got married in January of 2017, but it just is what it is.

A friend and I…

Shiloh Modisett

I love: My husband Shelby, our dog, living in the Texas hill country, Brené Brown, fighting for social justice, and pancakes.

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